Journal 17: Fear Of Letting Go

Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.
– George Addair

Week 17: August 27 – September 9

This weeks weekly review consists of two weeks because the last few weeks have been tough on me. I felt unmotivated. Lost (I mean, is that really new?). But nonetheless, the last few weeks have been super duper draining. I’m also tired. I’m tired of being tired, lazy, unmotivated, and stuck.

I’ve been absent from social media lately. Not posting as much. Not caring for it as much. That’s because I’ve been doing some reflecting. Yes, again. I don’t think there can ever be too much reflecting. I’m constantly learning. Constantly trying to understand the world from a different perspective. Trying to understand myself and my brain.

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts around me for the last few weeks about change, letting go, and fear. All of which are things I am trying to sort out at the moment. I’m trying to weed out this weird phase I am in to identify what it is my soul really needs. What it is that I really want. There are too many decisions and I can’t for my life make one decision. Maybe, just maybe, I don’t have to choose just one. Maybe I can find a way to bring all that I love, desire, and care for together. To find a balance and enjoy all of them. That’s just a thought… But sometimes thoughts are what propels us towards our dreams.


Weekly highlights:

  • I created a new morning routine. Sometimes, change is needed in order to grow. Hopefully this propels me toward the right direction.
  • I was starstruck by the cover of “Astrophysics for People in a Hurry” and made an impulse buy while shopping for totally unrelated things at Target. So far I am loving it!
  • I replied to a blogger’s post who I follow via email and she responded back! I love the interaction. I love having deep, meaningful conversations with strangers who just get it. I admire her attitude towards life, her work, her strength and courage. It felt really good to know that I’m not alone. Check out Cait Flanders here.
  • Over the weekend, I briefly went through my past poems on Instagram. I couldn’t help but smile and admire myself while reading my posts. I’ve grown a lot and have gone a long ways from being that broken and sad girl to the mindfully aware woman that I am now. I didn’t realize how broken I was. I didn’t realize how sad and lost I was. Most importantly I didn’t realize how proud I am of myself. Proud of my pain, my heartbreak and heartache, my growth, my strength, and myself in general.

Things to work on:

  • I’d like to go through my past journals and poems to reflect. To examine my growth.
  • Maintaining a savings account. I’d like to save $50 every paycheck.
  • Record my first podcast and actually post it. And to define my mission and trudge towards it. No more waiting, lingering, and dreaming. Time to take action.

P.S. It’s time to let go of fear. It’s time to plan for a change.

This weeks theme song inspiration: Hallucinogenics by Matt Maeson


 

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Just a dreamer trying to change her life within the next 3 years.

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