Journal 21: Facing My Fears

Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.
– Alan Watts 

Week 21: October 1 – October 7

84. There are 84 days left of 2018 to achieve your goals. 

I am hammering this year out. There are some things I want to start and some things I want to finish before the end of the year. So I reviewed my 2018 New Year’s resolutions and prioritized my goals.

Before the end of 2018, I want to:

  • Finish paying off my credit cards. Go into 2019 with no credit card debt.
  • Face my fears and push through them.
  • Study more graphic design, coding, and web developing.
  • Learn something new. Something mind blowing. Something that challenges my thoughts and beliefs. Something that challenges me.

I am trying to face my fears and trying to push through them. I am trying to accomplish my goals to get one step closer to living the dream life I imagine for myself.

What are your dreams? What would you give to see all your dreams unfold? 


Weekly highlights:

  • I recorded my first podcast episode! It’s not perfect. I cringe every time I hear my voice. I still don’t know what I’m doing but I have been wanting to do this since the beginning of the year! I have been wanting to record small talks to help others in case they needed support. I know I was pretty lonely at times throughout my journey and it would have been nice to know that someone else understood me and can relate. I hope that the small talks I record can help others in their time of need (good or bad). 
  • I hung out with a friend from college and we just talked. I missed that feeling from freshman year in college where you’re free to be who you want to be. So naive. I realized how much we have grown from our freshman selves. I realized how much I have grown. We were also talking about what we wanted in the future and I mentioned how I wanted to try coding and web developing. I kept saying I wanted to go this route for so long but I keep stopping myself because it’s an investment. It’s too expensive. That I still don’t know what I want to do. But as we sat at her place in silence and I listened to myself talk and find excuses to not pursue this I felt like a tunnel of clarity hit me. I realized that it is not the money really stopping me. It is fear. Fear of change. Fear that I might not enjoy it as much as I hoped. Fear that I could not get a job out of it. No matter how many times I stop myself, I really enjoy web developing and I think I need to follow the pings.
  • The James Bay concert I was looking forward to all summer long was postponed to March, 2019. I was so disappointed because I got no notice of the postponed date. I could dwell over this but it’s nothing I can change. At least I have something to look forward to in March.

Things to work on:

  • Follow timelines for projects.
  • Before I sign up for the coding bootcamp, I’m going to spend an hour every night to practice coding online for free. This will allow me to understand the basics and really identify if this route is for me. I think the investment will be worth it.

P.S. Don’t belittle your dreams just because someone around you cannot dream as big as you can.

This weeks theme song inspiration: Where Angels Fear To Tread by Disclosure


 

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Just a dreamer trying to change her life within the next 3 years.

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